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You see, Goodman is facing vehicular homicide charges for hitting a young man’s car in Florida, knocking it into a ditch where he drowned. By making Hutchins his legal daughter, she is able to control a third of the assets he set up for his two real children. So long story short, he effectively owns this money through her, but the funds can’t be included as assets during the trial.

It’s even more complicated than that because Goodman is facing multiple charges. You can read more here.

But, this 48 year old man just adopted his 42 year old girlfriend to hold on to his assets. I find this very disturbing for multiple reasons.

First, why is it ok for people to sue for inordinate amounts of money? So much so that people are now adopting their girlfriends to hold on to what they have? Should there be limits to how much people can sue for in certain cases? I understand he killed someone, most likely due to drunken driving, but is the state of Florida and the deceased’s parents owed billions upon billions for this? I would think 30+ years in prison (being afraid to drop the soap for the entire sentence) plus some significant financial penalties would suffice, but cleaning him out doesn’t make sense to me. How is this justice?

And no, I’m not a cold-hearted bitch. The loss of this person’s life is horrible, inexcusable and the pain his family must feel is something I cannot comprehend. I just feel that the justice system is flawed. And yeah, Googman is probably a pompous rich asshole who devotes more time to polo than any charity.

Second, the man adopted his GIRLFRIEND. Incest much? Could be. But all that aside, he could have adopted a needy child if he was so inclined to adopt. But then, said child couldn’t be a veritable Swiss bank account like Hutchins, right? Just think of all of the children in the world that desperately want to be adopted. However, someone who drinks (supposedly) and drives and kills another person is defintely not the ideal candidate. I know, it’s a very circuitous thought process here. I’m just so confused.

There are so many things wrong with this story. While the entire thing just bothers me to no end, what do you think about this mess?

Failure.

Yes, I fear failure with my entire being. I’m afraid. Afraid that if I pour my soul into something and it isn’t successful I will have failed. Sure, I can finish it and graduate, but I think I want more than that.

I want to be able to show little girls that it’s ok to like science, to want to know about astronomy and space exploration. I want to speak at schools and read my book to little kids in a library in the middle of America. I want to tell my story to Matt Lauer. How I wasn’t brought up to love science and didn’t study it in college, but how I was able to learn and love it through my work at NASA. And that level of success if tangible. I know how to market this book. It’s a unique niche in an untapped market. It has all of the elements for success.

Except my commitment.

Unfortunately, I’ve always been this way. I’ve always done just enough to be good, but not enough to be amazing. But what if I do pull out all the stops with this project? What if it is successful? Is it possible that I wouldn’t be able to handle that level of success?

Perhaps.

Maybe that is another thing I’m afraid will make me a failure. My inability to accept success. My belief that I don’t truly deserve accolades. There is always someone else who is better, more talented, much more deserving.

I almost applied for graduation yesterday, but I stopped. I’m not sure why. I need to finish this project this semester so I can finally complete my master’s degree. I’m just afraid that it’s my innate fear of failure holding me back.

And I’m not looking for a cheerleader. I’m not looking for someone to tell me how awesome I am. How amazing the book has become. I don’t need that. I don’t need it because it doesn’t help. I’m the one who needs to tell me I’m awesome. In the end, my acceptance of my own success is the most important thing to me.

Until I can win over my worst critic, I will suffer greatly from this achievement paralysis.

It’s not as glamorous as the title sounds. You see, a few years back, I was the lucky handler of VIP Richard Garriott at a conference at Johnson Space Center. It was my job to escort him to a breakout session following his presentation and make sure he was all set up for his discussion. It was a very cool day. I had wanted to escort someone else who I thought was more famous, but ended up with Richard. He is actually very charming, minus the long skinny braid he was sporting that day.

During the breakout session, I helped field questions from the group and learned way more than I ever wanted to know about pooping on board the space station. Apparently, Richard loves to tell the story. He also showed everyone his film “Apogee of Fear” in its entirety on his laptop. His claim is that this is the first science fiction film ever made in space. A true claim as far as I can tell.

After the session, we hung back with a couple of other public affairs lackeys and just talked for a few minutes.  Before he left, he handed me a DVD. His request: try to get it approved by NASA for public release.

I was up to the challenge and promptly got it into the right hands when I got into work the next day. Unfortunately, the ‘right hands’ left NASA a few months later and then I left not long afterwards. And I never did find out what happened to Richard’s little film until just recently.

For the past few days, the space nerd news circle has been all abuzz with stories about how NASA refuses to let the film be shown in public. You see, Richard filmed it during his stay aboard the ISS without permission from the Agency and they typically don’t take things like this lightly. It’s a harmless film, but it does show astronauts goofing off on government time. That, I suppose, is what JSC’s lawyers and the crew office have a problem with. But, I still feel somewhat responsible as I didn’t make more of an effort to follow up and push it through the right channels. Consider this my public apology for not having the authority to really do much of anything while I worked at NASA. Ha!

I hope that Richard can get his film released soon, maybe as an intro on the DVD to his documentary “Man on a Mission.” Who knows, but I really wish NASA would just lighten up about some things.

Well looky there, I committed to something (other than my marriage) for a whole year…

This time last year, I sat down and wrote my first blog post. It was a hectic day. Six people were killed and 12 wounded including Gabrielle Giffords at a grocery store in Tucson, AZ. A lot of other things happened, but that’s what stands out the most. I’m not sure what influence that event had on my starting this blog, but it did compel me to appreciate this life much more.

Looking back, I had high aspirations in that first blog post. I planned to graduate with my MA last year. That didn’t happen. Mainly because a lot of other things did and illustration is freaking hard. I’m shooting for May of this year. We’ll see how motivated I am.

I said that Ava would turn 5 in 2011, she did and I didn’t get sad. She is such a lovely little person that I just cling to her smile and look forward to getting to know her as she grows. It’s very hard to dwell on things with her because I see so much potential in her beautiful little face.

I said I would turn 35. I turned 36. Math has never been my strong point.

Almost prophetically, I said I would stop working for The Man. I now work for a woman-owned small business and it is perfect for me. I’m still hesitant in my daily decisions and I’m trying to find my footing, but it’s working. I have a huge office with a door so that’s a bonus. And the view from the patio is amazing.

I made a slew of new friends. It was time to move on from the chaos of the past and actually find out if I could be myself and still have people like me. So far so good. I’ve replaced all of the bad apples with bad ass ones and then some. Relationships have been a bit of a challenge. Yeah, that’s a good way to put it. Let’s just say that even when I admit when I’m wrong and profusely apologize, I still get slapped in the face. And hit below the belt. I mean, when someone attacks my marriage and my parenting, I draw the line. Life’s too short to beat myself up over it and, like before, I just move on.

We bought a new house in October. It was a very rushed decision, but one that we are all very happy with. This place is beautiful and the neighbors kick ass. Ava found fast friends with the kids next door and we already had friends here and hope to continue having the best times with all of them.

I had two trips to Vegas: one with CW and one very strange trip with some people I didn’t know well and no longer hang out with. I won’t even get into it.

I got to see the final shuttle launch and cried like a baby, on camera, on Miami network news. Good times. I also met Seth Green and stood thisclose to Anderson Cooper.

I’m sure I’m leaving something amazing (or craptastic) out, but that’s all I will bore you with for one night. As for this year, I hope to finish that MA mainly because I want people to call me Master. I also hope to work more on Whimsy Girls and start writing that novel in my head. That right there is a lofty goal, but it’s very exciting to think about actually getting the thoughts out of my head and into print.

I hope you all have a wonderful 2012. At least until the world ends in December.

CW and I have scattered families. Not only are we scattered, but we aren’t very close (I wish that were different). Probably due to said scatteredness. Needless to say, when the holidays come around, I’m always at a loss at what to get everyone. Did I mention we have a crapload of relatives, too? Yeah, there’s that.

Well, after years of struggling with what is meaningful or what gift goes with what personality, I’ve finally just settled on thoughtful. I really don’t see anything wrong with that. In fact, I think it matters more, or that’s what I’m telling myself these days.  The less stressed I am in finding a gift, the better I feel about giving, and if it’s at sweet gift that they will use, then we all win.

She loves her some Santa.

You see, five years ago we were blessed with Ava and from that event spawned thoughtful gifts. Family photos in frames, coffee mugs with her picture on them, picture books and calendars – all useful things that nobody wanted from us when it was just us and three cats. She has been a blessing in so many ways, and I fully appreciate her cuteness when it comes to the holidays.

But, I must add that creating these things aren’t as easy as it may seem. I take an inordinate amount of pictures of her. I have folders organized for each month of the year with hundreds of photos in each. This year, we gave calendars again and I usually insert 1-8 images per month. Picking the photos isn’t the hard part – it’s the organization of it all.

Before my iPhone, life was simpler. I had a nice DSLR and it always had upwards of 800 pictures on its card. I could take them off, sort them by date and place them in their nice, neat folders. With the iPhone, I take pics with Instagram, some other photo app thingy and the photo thingy that came with the phone. I’ve got pictures everywhere and a shit-ton of them. It took me four hours just to download all of these pictures and another hour to organize them. And then I got confused and put some 2010 images in the 2011 folders and all Hell broke loose…

Two days later, I had created some lovely calendars on Snapfish.com. I love how easy their site is to use and they seem to have more options than most other online photo sites. I’m not pimping their services as I’m not getting paid for this, I’m just saying that I’ve been using them for eight years or so and they pretty much rock.

So, if you are a family member and reading this – surprise, your getting calendars for Christmas!  But rest assured I put a lot of thought and energy into making them, even if I didn’t leave my bed nor did I fight any traffic to get them.

Happy holidays!!

Like any mother of a five year old, I hear some pretty hilarious things come out of my kiddo’s mouth. Take last week, for instance. It was picture with Santa day at preschool so Ava had on her pretty red holiday dress complete with black patent high-heeled shoes.

Such a poser.

When I bought her these shoes, she squeeled like I had just presented her with some Jimmy Choo’s. On this particular day, I got her all prettied up and we headed off for preschool. As we walked to her class, we passed an infant room. In the window, two very sad little girls where watching us walk by, crying very loudly.

“Mama, I know why those babies are crying,” Ava says.

“Oh yeah, why?” I innocently ask her.

“Because they don’t have high heels like I do.” Badump bump ching…

Yeah, she’s quite clearly my kid. Sassy and a smart ass all rolled up into a pint-sized package. Man, do I love her.

So, after this exchange, I went to my car and thought about how I should be chronicling these hilarities. They seem to happen on a daily basis and some make me laugh so hard I almost pee. Others, like her existential discussion with me about God the other day, make me really want to file these away so she can read them later. I guess I can continue to put them on the blog, but some are so little that they may not warrant an entire post. I do occasionally tweet them. However, there isn’t a good way to archive tweets yet (hello nerdpreneurs!)

This all leads me to ask you, how do you chronicle the incredible things that your kids say? Do you write them somewhere, blog them or drop them on Facebook? I would love to hear about it and I would also love some tips on how I can keep track of our silly exchanges.

Thanks!

We just had an amazing Thanksgiving week. CW and I have made a lot of new friends over the past year and we were able to spend the holiday with almost all of them. We partied hard, ate too much, watched UT kick A&M’s ass, and drank about 15 bottles of wine.

When I got home today, I looked over at the small gathering of seven bottles that have yet to be recycled and I started thinking about how many bottles of wine I might have polished off over the years. I started drinking wine regularly when I was around 25. That was 11 years ago. Let’s say I’ve had a bottle a week (I’m rounding down – a lot), at 52 weeks a year for 11 years. That means I’ve recycled (and drunk) at least 572 bottles. This then led me to think of all of these empties and what I could have done with them.

If you search “upcycling wine bottles” on the net, you will find some pretty awesome ideas. There are actually a lot of things you can do with empty wine bottles besides making ugly, lazy, drippy candle holders.

You can buy a glass cutter and make tumblers. I’ve seen these on Uncommon Goods and at several stores like this one on Etsy and they are super cute. Apparently, they are easy to make if you have a drill with a glass cutter attachment. I mean, who doesn’t have one of those handy?

Photo credit: Uncommon Goods

You can also use them as center pieces for a table. Wash them and remove the label, then paint something pretty on them and make a nice arrangement. Add some flowers, candles, etc.

Another pretty cool idea is called slumping. You have to have a kiln (again, who doesn’t?) to fire the bottles to a temperature high enough to melt the bottle half way. What’s left is a flattened bottle that can be used as a cheese board, dip tray, wall art, whatever you think is appropriate for a flattened glass bottle.

Then there are the lighting fixtures. I’ve seen chandeliers, tea light holders, bottles with holiday lights stuffed inside. Really there are tons of options here. I actually saw a bottle chandelier for over $2,000. That made me throw up in my mouth a little. It can’t cost more than $50 to make one of these so that’s a ridiculous markup. Even Pottery Barn used to sell them.

Photo credit: Pottery Barn

One version of the upcycled wine bottle chandelier that I like the most can be found on a website called Oregon Live. They have a step-by-step on their modern version of the chandelier. I drank enough this weekend to make two of these…

Photo credit: Oregon Live

But the best idea, by far, are actual houses built from wine bottles. Yes, I said houses. Apparently, the late Édouard T. Arsenault built three houses in Cap-Egmont, Prince Edward Island, Canada using wine bottles and mortar. From 1980-1984, Arsenault used more than 25,000 recycled bottles he gathered from his local community, friends, neighbors and relatives and painstakingly cemented them together into whimsical structures. I would like to live there. Except that it’s freaking cold in Canada.

Photo credit: bottlehouses.com

So, the next time you drink a bottle or two, skip the recycling bin and think of something cool to upcycle them into. The possibilities are endless. Just wear goggles, you don’t want to lose an eye. Although I hear eye patches are the new black.

Cheers,

I had dinner with my aunt and uncle last week and we spent a good portion of our time talking about my messed up childhood and dilusional family. It really got me thinking about how I handle relationships and how my actions tie into how I was (or wasn’t) raised.

The fact is, we are all products of our environment. Great families or bad families; wealthy neighborhoods or fifth-wheel trailers near a border town; variations of abuse or picturesque childhoods – all of these things (among many) shape who we are and who we become. Some of us choose to cling to the bad and use these experiences as a crutch to excuse behavior in the present. Some choose to use them as reasons why they don’t behave in certain ways. Others just take it day by day.

I can attest to the fact that all of the above situations have shaped who I am and who I will be in the future. However, I’ve come to realize that the largest influences in my life are the people I meet along the way. As someone who comes from a very volatile and disjointed family, relationships have often filled that void for me. And I realize that is often more responsibility than some people can handle. I just wish I could learn to realize it before I invest too much and get seared to a crisp.

You see, getting ousted has happened to me so many times, as far back as I can even remember, that over-investing is clearly a pattern of behavior I need to curb. My best friend from high school dropped me like a bad habit right after graduation. An entire group of girls I was friends with for 6-7 years just didn’t like me at all, and vice versa. Others were just waiting for me to screw up once so they could find a window of opportunity to blow me off. I don’t even want to get into my family abandonment issues. Unfortunately, this is just a small sample, but I attribute these episodes to a handful of reasons:

1. Sometimes (most of the time) I’m just not good enough.
2. Sometimes I mess up and my apologies are not good enough (always).
3. Sometimes people just suck (a lot).
4. Sometimes life just happens (which I think is the laziest excuse – ever).
5. Sometimes we are only friends of circumstance (total waste of time).
6. Sometimes people are just incredibly self-centered (yes, we all are to some extent – I know this).

But, aside from the notches on my bedpost of relationships past, I do genuinely cherish the people I’ve met, value those I’m friends with now (both in real life and virtually), and I can’t wait to see what comes next. My life is never too full for my relationships. I feel like I can never have enough.

(P.S.) I edited the hell out of this and cut some meaty stuff. Self-censorship is a bitch.

(P.P.S.) This isn’t my typical blog post so I do apologize for that. I chalk it up to having too much time to think the past few days. That usually leads to dangerous things and/or numerous unfinished projects…

Well, not ALL of it began there, but the wine industry in the U.S. did acutally start in Kentucky. Who knew? Probably just people from Kentucky. According to www.kentuckywine.com:

America’s commercial wine industry was born in Kentucky in 1798 when the Marquis de Lafayette’s winemaker, Jean-Jacques Dufour, set out into the new nation to find suitable land for growing grapes.  He arrived at the “Athens of the West” – Lexington – and made the acquaintance of Henry Clay.  Backed with money from several prominent statesmen, including Clay, Dufour formed the Kentucky Vineyard Society and bought 600 acres on the Kentucky River, in what’s now Jessamine County.  Dufour planted what he called the “First Vineyard” and, in 1803, his first vintage went to an appreciative Thomas Jefferson.

Yeah, I had no idea. The state best known for bourbon and horses kicked off the wine industry here. However, the Civil War ravaged the established vineyards and prohibition led them to be converted into tobacco fields (because smoking is so much better than drinking wine, right?). It’s taken years for this beautiful state to recover. In fact, grapevine acreage  has grown from 67 acres in 1999 to an estimated 500 acres today. In just five years, the number of Kentucky wineries has matured from 15 to more than 50, and is still growing. That’s great news for people in that region, including my brother-in-law, Pete.

The Purple Toad Winery in Paducah, KY. Yes, I said Kentucky.

Now, when I first met Pete, I never would have pegged him for a wine afficionado. He was kind of quiet, with a lot of tattoos and a pretty smile (because my hubby pushed him when they were younger and broke his teeth so he got new ones). I always thought of Pete as more of a hard liquor kind of guy. He probably is, when there’s no wine to be had.  The last time I saw Pete, back in August, a group of us split several bottles. I lost count by the end of the evening, but it was definitely cool drinking with family and friends like that. We hung out on their mom’s back patio in Scottsdale, AZ, with my hubby’s  best friend and a girl they knew from high school back in Indiana, drinking and catching up and enjoying our time together. I remember that it rained pretty hard halfway through. We all scurried back against the wall until the rain stopped dripping from the red tile roof. It was a great night and I can’t wait to do it again someday. 

Isn't it pretty? See, Kentucky makes things besides bourbon.

A few days ago, Pete sent me a bottle of wine from Kentucky. I guess he had been there on a short trip one weekend and went to this awesome vineyard called the Purple Toad Winery. It looks like a beautiful place. Just like I pictured Kentucky, green and lush, except with grape vines instead of horses and people drinking bourbon.

The best part is that the wine he sent me was lovely. I always fear that these boutique wineries go overboard on the sweetness. This Cabernet Franc was dry. Not too dry, but perfectly dry with hints of blackberry and toasted oak. Maybe even a little blue grass. Not really, but it did have a smooth yet spicey nose with a nice cedar scent. I like it. A lot. And best of all, it was a gift! I mean, you can’t beat that.

So, thanks Pete, my brother-in-law, for introducing me to a realm of wine that I had no idea ever existed. I appreciate you sending me this bottle and plan to finish it up before the night is over. I might even share some with your brother. Yeah, who am I kidding?

I cannot wait to see what the next five years hold for us.

Love,
Mommy