I was just a tiny girl on a great big stage when it started. But as I worked my way through my piece for the Southeast Texas Listen to Your Mother show, I grew. I didn’t realize it that day, but today, it’s clear that this has changed me in so many ways. My inner strength was bolstered on that stage, and it has grown even stronger today.
Going in to this experience, I knew that my piece was a bit controversial for the conservative audience I was going to be reading in front of on show day. Sure, I gave it consideration before even submitting my story, and anguished over the thought of reading it there after I was selected for the cast. But I pressed on. I couldn’t back out. I didn’t want to let anyone down, the directors, myself, or that one potential person in the audience who might say “me too.”
I would like to think that most of us who perform in this show hope that we are able to touch someone in the audience. We long for that ‘me too’ experience. After all, bleeding out our words live on stage would be completely lost if we couldn’t help at least one person, right? And who hasn’t had the vision of walking out into the lobby after the show to an array of beaming smiles, hugs, pats on the back for a job well done? Well, I got some of that, but I also got a “me too” that struck me to the core.
She greeted me with a huge smile and a half-hug, half pat on the back. She called me by name as though we had met before. For a second, I assumed we had, but couldn’t place her face or her name. She proceeded to tell me that she was once like me. She was lost. Faith didn’t make sense to her once, especially since she had a degree in the biological sciences. But she was so lucky that she got saved. And, according to her, I needed to be saved, too. The cheap dollar store book about Jesus that she shoved into my hand hit me like a brick. I fumbled and clumsily tried to hand it back to her.
“Thank you so much for the sentiment, but it’s really not necessary,” I protested graciously.
Had she not paid attention to my story at all? Clearly she was confused.
“No, take the book, read it, it will change your life,” she insisted. “I wrote you a note, too.”
Then she turned and scurried off into the crowd.
I opened the book and inside found a hand written note on a torn envelope. The words, written in red ink, echoed what she had said to me. I read it three times. My hands trembling more and more each time. I felt helpless and completely violated. In that moment, it was clear, that my life, my beliefs were wrong in her eyes. She felt sorry for me. I was small.
I couldn’t get backstage fast enough, fighting the tears back with each step. When I got there, I was fuming. I sat down and took a long look at myself in the mirror. I, the wife, mother, decorated veteran, with two degrees and a 20 year career under my belt, felt so small. I let this stranger belittle me. As I packed up my things and turned to go, I grabbed that cheap book with the note in red ink and slammed it in the trash can.
My anger grew that evening and into the next day. But, as I shared my experience with people, amazingly, my circle of support also grew. While the “me too’s” may not have come from that live audience that day, they did come. They came from friends and other bloggers and people I just didn’t expect. I heard the words “brave” and “strong” and “human” instead of “lost” and “small.”
With each supportive word and gesture, my heart has grown fuller. Had I not put my story out there, my heart would not be this full right now. I feel even stronger now than I did that day. I can’t thank Jennifer and Elaine enough for believing in my story and giving me the opportunity to grow through Listen to Your Mother. And to my lovely, inspiring cast mates, I thank you for believing in me, too. We will forever share this wonderful experience and for that I am forever grateful.
Please remember, that we all orbit the sun together on this planet. From space, there are no visible boundaries. Be tolerant, kind, thoughtful and respectful of each other. We are all human. What’s right for you, isn’t necessarily right for anyone else. Please be mindful of other people’s beliefs.
Sean, I am in tears right now. Beautifully written. You’ll forever be one of my castmates.
Lots of love,
Debbie
(and p.s………I might write something and link back to this on my blog)
Debbie recently posted..Do It Scared!
Thank you Debbie, it means a lot to me for you to say that.
I cannot express how sorry I am that this person took your moment away from you then, but I do hope that you can move on from it and know that your story did and does and WILL mean a great deal to so many in the way that you wanted it to.
Thank YOU, Sean.
xoxo
Elaine A. recently posted..It Was Truly Amazing
Don’t be sorry – it was completely out of your control. Thank you for having me be a part of the show. I’m so glad I did it and hope to be a part of it in some way next year.
I’m so glad you are now turning her actions into something positive for yourself. I was so mad and upset that it happened to you, but I love that now you are being filled up and supported. I’m also glad you auditioned and were brave enough to stick it out with us.
Jennifer recently posted..Happy Mama Moments – Superhero Mom
I’m sorry you were mad and upset. I hate that one person’s actions can affect so many. Especially when I know her intentions came from a good (albeit ignorant) place. Thank you so much for having me!!
Ah, this is the moment I hoped you would reach. One in which you realize you are strong enough to face whatever “it” is out there, thrown at you in the form of another human (about that human’s issues), and that you are a mighty lioness. You stood up on that stage in front of that woman–and every person in the audience–with the courage to be 100% you, and face whatever came your way. I promise, there were “me toos” out there. Most of us have something inside that the mainstream might not agree with, something we aren’t ashamed of but don’t want tarnished by anyone hating on it. What we forget (or some haven’t learned yet) is THAT THING is what makes us interesting and alive. It may not define us, but it enhances us, and it becomes the litmus test others must pass for admittance to the theater of ourselves. You are awesome, and I loved sharing this experience with you. I am proud to call you my friend.
Pamela recently posted..In Case You Blinked
I’m usually pretty strong and take criticism in stride. What got me is that I think this was encouraged behavior by someone else I know. And that it came from such an ignorant point of view. I’m confident in my beliefs, I just have very little tolerance for those who are intolerant of me. She had no right to do what she did that day. Thank you so much for the words, Pamela. I’m proud to know you and call you a friend as well.
I realize that the woman who cast this shadow on your light thought she was “saving” you, though I can’t help but think her actions had NOTHING to do with you and everything to do with her. YOU are the strong one, standing on that stage and speaking your truth. And even though you may not have heard many ‘me too’ moments in person, I’m 100% certain that there were some. I’d also venture to guess that there were ‘I never thought’ and ‘now I see’ moments that are being carried in people’s hearts, even if they didn’t share them with you. xo
Lisa recently posted..Push: My 2014 LTYM:KC Recap
EXACTLY. Thank you Lisa. My truth is just that – mine. And it is nobody’s place to try to alter that to their way of life. XO
I would have had the same reaction to that woman that you did. It’s like she wasn’t listening and appreciating the struggle you were sharing – instead she had decided she had the answer (which is not what sharing your story in this context is about).
I’m sorry you had that experience at the shot but it sounds like you had positive experiences afterward so yay for that!
Ewokmama recently posted..If A Kid Falls Over And No One Is There to Hear It
She wasn’t listening at all. She came prepared to do what she did and I’m pretty sure she was coached to do so by someone else. I’m glad I got to be a part of the show this year, but the odds of me baring any part of myself like that again are slim to none! LOL!