With more and more people delaying having children in the past few years, becoming a new mom after 40 is pretty common. For me, it wasn’t a calculated choice, but it is how things ended up. And that’s ok.
How did we become parents later in life? Well, we were married right after we both turned 21 and spent close to ten years traveling the world and partying like rock stars. We went to Vegas a few times a year and New Orleans on random weekends. Floating the Guadalupe river in the Texas Hill Country, attending big music festivals, and work trips to foreign countries filled our 20s.
When I hit 29, I realized I was missing something.
I never wanted to be a mom. In fact, I resented “breeders” and generally disliked other people’s children. But my biological clock had a powerful tick. And so, after about 18 months of trying, we found out we were expecting Ava. I would turn 31 a few months before she was born.
Already into my 30s, my OBGYN cautioned me about complications and genetic disorders. He even ordered genetic testing against my wishes and told me the results when I wasn’t interested in knowing them. That was a fun day.
Even though I was “older,” the pregnancy was mostly fine. She was diagnosed with hydronephrosis of the kidneys which required frequent monitoring. In the end, Ava was born a beautiful, healthy little baby. However those sleepless nights the first several months were torture on our marriage.
Eventually we found our groove as a family of three.
When Ava was four, she began asking for a brother or sister. But I had just started my masters program, we were both traveling occasionally for work, and we were happy with the status quo for many years.
And then 38 came knocking and that relentless ticking of the clock came back.
Again, it took about 18 months to get pregnant the second time. We had a loss very early on. It was harder on me than I expected it to be, but it made me even more determined to make this baby happen. Two months later, we were legit pregnant with a little boy.
And I was old.
Officially a “geriatric pregnancy” at 40. What stupid a-hole devised that term?
Sweet Evan had a genetic kidney disorder diagnosed in utero so that made my old lady pregnancy even more fun. I talk about his journey with MCDK here.
So here I am now, on the verge of 44 with a 13 year old and an almost four year old. And I’m not going to lie, I’m exhausted.
Ava was so chill as a toddler. Evan is the antithesis of chill.
But they are the sweetest, most amazing kids I could have hoped for. While most of our friends have kids who are graduating high school or getting married, we are dealing with braces and diapers. And while we will be the almost 60 year old parents at Evan’s graduation, I think I’m cool with that.
These crazy kids are keeping me young. And it’s all ok.