With more and more people delaying having children in the past few years, becoming a new mom after 40 is pretty common. For me, it wasn’t a calculated choice, but it is how things ended up. And that’s ok.
How did we become parents later in life? Well, we were married right after we both turned 21 and spent close to ten years traveling the world and partying like rock stars. We went to Vegas a few times a year and New Orleans on random weekends. Floating the Guadalupe river in the Texas Hill Country, attending big music festivals, and work trips to foreign countries filled our 20s.
When I hit 29, I realized I was missing something.
I never wanted to be a mom. In fact, I resented “breeders” and generally disliked other people’s children. But my biological clock had a powerful tick. And so, after about 18 months of trying, we found out we were expecting Ava. I would turn 31 a few months before she was born.
Already into my 30s, my OBGYN cautioned me about complications and genetic disorders. He even ordered genetic testing against my wishes and told me the results when I wasn’t interested in knowing them. That was a fun day.
Even though I was “older,” the pregnancy was mostly fine. She was diagnosed with hydronephrosis of the kidneys which required frequent monitoring. In the end, Ava was born a beautiful, healthy little baby. However those sleepless nights the first several months were torture on our marriage.
Eventually we found our groove as a family of three.
When Ava was four, she began asking for a brother or sister. But I had just started my masters program, we were both traveling occasionally for work, and we were happy with the status quo for many years.
And then 38 came knocking and that relentless ticking of the clock came back.
Again, it took about 18 months to get pregnant the second time. We had a loss very early on. It was harder on me than I expected it to be, but it made me even more determined to make this baby happen. Two months later, we were legit pregnant with a little boy.
And I was old.
Officially a “geriatric pregnancy” at 40. What stupid a-hole devised that term?
Sweet Evan had a genetic kidney disorder diagnosed in utero so that made my old lady pregnancy even more fun. I talk about his journey with MCDK here.
So here I am now, on the verge of 44 with a 13 year old and an almost four year old. And I’m not going to lie, it’s exhausting being an older mom.
Ava was so chill as a toddler. Evan is the antithesis of chill.
But they are the sweetest, most amazing kids I could have hoped for. While most of our friends have kids who are graduating high school or getting married, we are dealing with braces and diapers. And while we will be the almost 60 year old parents at Evan’s graduation, I think I’m cool with that.
These crazy kids are keeping me young. And it’s all ok.
Kari Wagner Hoban says
GIRL. You are not lying.
I had my oldest at 29 but got really lucky because I got pregnant with her on the first try.
The second one I had at age 37 (three months before my 38th birthday) and I am so much more less energetic this time around.
I see all the neat things I did when my oldest was at certain ages and I do feel bad that I just don’t have the new mom energy any more.
It’s all good though. High five and thank you for making me feel less old. 🙂
Kari Wagner Hoban recently posted..Chocolate Chip Cookies Make Me Chubby; Weddings Make Me Cry
Hi Kari! OMG you commented on my post. You have no idea how much that means to me. Aside from being a geriatric mom, I’m super insecure about writing consistently again. Thank you so much for taking the time to comment.
My energy is so low, but I just started working out again about five weeks ago and it helps soooo much. If I miss an early morning workout, I really drag. My 3.5 year old has too much energy for this world and I have to do something to keep up.
Hi five back at you.
Great article thanks for sharing. Love your sense of humour
Katherine Foster says
OMG. You made me laugh and smile today, that’s hard for me to do lol. We share similar sense of humor or at least I’m glad someone else feels the same about certain things. I feel great and I’m super healthy so I’m confident in becoming pregnant but not looking forward to the high risk that may or may not come with it. The word geriatric pregnancy is terrible, old my Axx! I’m a Mother of a 16 year old girl and planning on baby number 2 at age 40. I guess I’m reaching out just to speak to someone who has gone through it. I’ve worked in Medical field for over 15 years and been snubbed by many of my colleagues when mentioning wanting to have a baby at age 40. Very discouraging. I’m even hesitant to go for my 1st OBGYN appointment as I don’t want to be discouraged but rather encouraged and helped. So That is that. Thank you for sharing.