I used to have a ton of friends. My husband and I ran in a large group of about 20-25 people. Every night of the week was planned. We ate a lot. We drank a lot. And one day I realized I had absolutely nothing in common with these people outside of eating and drinking a lot of alcohol. There was also a lot of drama. Not your run-of-the-mill cattiness, but rumors, lies, infidelities and secret crushes. It got to be too much for me. I did try to force deeper friendships with some of these people, but it never worked. I became paranoid. I always wondered what was being said about me when I wasn’t there. My fears weren’t unwarranted because I found out a few people were actually villainizing me to bond with each other. So petty.
It all went down in flames one night when I stood up for a friend of mine. It rolled into me standing up for myself. They all said they would be there for me when I got pregnant, but since I couldn’t drink I was blatantly ignored for the better part of a year. They made me feel so insignificant and small. I tried for a long time to play it off, but I needed them to know how upset I was. Looking back, I’m glad I spoke my mind and I don’t miss these 35 year old mean girls at all.
The downside to all of this is that as an adult, it is hard to make new friends. Everyone has their established circles and routines and breaking these boundaries can be very hard. But real friendships are worth the wait. They are worth the effort. And after almost three years of reeling from the loss and drama of my past life, I realize that I’m ready to get out there again. No longer is my guard up because I’m afraid of peoples’ opinions of me. I am myself and I’m sweet and caring and I will go out of my way for a good friend. And I still like to drink and have a rock star night every once in a while.
This is the last time I’ll write or speak about these events. I’m putting it to bed for good, ready to awaken to a new life of happiness and friendships and puppies and rainbows. Well, maybe not the puppies because my husband is allergic, but rainbows are nice. They usually involve pots of gold. Who doesn’t like gold?
I like it. Looking forward to meeting you, someday!
Hi Heather! Next time I’m in Austin I’ll definitely let you know.
I’ll tell you, it still shocks me that women can be petty past high school. I thought it would be over, but then again I found it in college, and in my jobs. It’s crazy, so good riddance to the mean girls, I say. Who needs ’em?
As far as making friends, I do think it’s heard to make really close friends without that shared history, but I have met some friends recently who I like enjoy. And blogging has helped me find that depth I was looking for. Like here, with your blog!
Jana – People can always create history together and getting to know new people is so much fun – most of the time. I think adult friendships are more meaningful, too, because we have to make so much more effort.
I do like blogging and I’m surprised at the connections I’ve already made in such a short amount of time.