We turn not older with years, but newer every day.

I’m officially in my late 30’s.

I think I’m ok with it. Maybe. Sort of.

The saving grace of my incessant aging is that I’ve lived. When I say I’ve lived, I mean I feel like I have lived several lifetimes in my short 36 years. Every year on my birthday I take time to think about how far I’ve come, where I am and where I need to be in the future. Sometimes I don’t meet my goals, but just acknowledging them helps.

I won’t bore you with a diatribe about all that I have done. It’s like looking at someone else’s vacation photos. The person showing the photos is really the only one who cares. But I will tell you this, it has been one hell of a ride.

As I reflect on the next chapter of my life, I really don’t know where to go from here.  I’ve thought about giving Ava a brother or sister, but the timing isn’t right (I know, don’t lecture me). We have entertained the idea of moving out of Texas only to realize we do like it here. Our current house is too small, but we aren’t in a hurry to move. There are so many other things in limbo it’s just too numerous to list.

However, there are a few things I would like to do before my 37th (ouch, that hurts).

1. Lose this stupid effing 15 pounds I’ve been wanting to lose for 15 years. It will probably never happen unless I get my jaw wired shut or host a tapeworm. Food just tastes too damn good. I mean, I live in Texas. Best. Food. Ever.
2. Find a way to make money without making it for someone else. Seriously. I’m tired of other people getting wealthy off of my work while I trudge along for a pittance. I’m better than that. I just need to surround myself with entrepreneurial people who can give me inspiration.
3. Finish my master’s project. I’m nowhere near done with it and it’s due 1 October. Shit.
4. Declutter my life. I have a lot of unfinished projects and so many more I want to do, but I need to clean this crap up. I have so many piles and boxes and such that I can’t even bring myself to sit at my desk.
5. I also want to go to a blog conference. Yes, I want to go to a major conference and hobnob with all my blog idols. I want to bask in their success in hopes that some of it will rub off on me. I want to meet the cool people I chat with on Twitter and hug them and share stories in real life.
6. Finally, I want to be a better wife, mom and friend. I think I’ve finally figured out who I am after going through countless personality revisions. I feel like I can genuinely give and care about other people now. I’m excited about that.

Not a short order, I know. But can’t a girl dream? What do you ponder each year? Do you want to change yourself and the world each time that pesky birth date comes around?