“You look amazing!”
I have heard this exact phrase from two different people the past two days. One person was my OB/GYN, who blurted his accolades at a very inappropriate time yesterday. The other was a friend I haven’t seen in a month or two. He said I looked relaxed and very ‘comfortable’. Truthfully, I had two errands to run after dropping Ava off and still make it to work at a reasonable time. I was in a rush.
While I’m extremely appreciative of the compliments, I had to wonder why I was getting them in the first place. I don’t look any different than I have for the past few years. I haven’t changed my hair nor lost weight. There’s no fresh new vacation tan on my pasty white skin. I don’t have any spectacular new clothes or swanky shoes. But something is different.
I have confidence.
See, for the majority of my life I’ve only had false confidence. ‘Fake it till you make it’ was my motto. I pretended to be strong and independent because, well, I had to be that way.
Late last year, I had a revelation. There was too much drama outside of my relatively pleasant home life. I had to make some major changes no matter what the cost. I cut out the toxicity in my social life and quit the job full of crazy, aggressive type-A personalities. Since then, I’ve made several new friends and I have a new job that pays a lot more with very little stress.
I look at older pictures of myself and I just don’t look happy. I look like I feel inadequate, not quite good enough, maybe even a little nervous. Amazing might be a bit of a stretch, but I feel pretty awesome on the inside now. Maybe that’s what they see? It was a struggle to get here, but it’s such a relaxing and comfortable place. I think I’ll stay here a while.
Good for you for finding your confidence!
I honestly thought I would never feel good about myself for so many years. I think I’ve just been trying to please the wrong people for so long that I just lost myself. I’m amazed at where I am now compared to six months ago.
Sean,
I have to agree with the two people who told you that. I thought you looked amazing when I met you in NOLA. I told Tommy I thought you looked like a better version of a live Barbie! You are gorgeous and you should never hesitate to “strut your stuff” because girl, you definitely made it without faking! 🙂
Nancy
Nancy – Love you, girl! You’re not too shabby yourself. I’m in awe of the way you look and how proud you are of getting to where you are now. 🙂
True confidence and self-love definitely presents differently to the world. Good for you for doing what was necessary to get to such a great place.
Hey Kelly – Thanks, it’s been a long road the past 35 plus years. I’ve never been comfortable in my own skin, but now I just say eff it, you know? I know it’s not permanent and I have some pretty bad days, but overall it’s been good for the past 6 months. I wish everyone could get to a similar place.
Good for you! Confidence is great, isn’t it? I wish I had mine all the time and it never wavered.