Remember that confidence I bragged about from two weeks ago? Yeah, pretty much down the toilet because I had a revelation this morning. A minor one, but one just the same.
I’m lonely.
There, I said it. It is now out there in the open.
I came to this conclusion because, for the past few days, I’ve been experiencing weird health problems. Mostly uncontrollable eye twitches and multiple dizzy spells. I think I’m just incredibly stressed from all of the projects I have in work. And why do I have so many things going on? Well, I need something to hide behind so I won’t have time to acknowledge the loneliness. But it’s there no matter what I do.
Also, my husband is off on a bachelor party with seven other guys for the next four days. I talked to him this morning and they are having a blast. While I’m happy he’s having such a good time, I’m sad because there are no prospects of fun girls’ trips for me any time in the near future. At least, not big groups of friends like that.
Now, don’t get me wrong – I know tons of people. I have friends all over the country. They just aren’t close friends. I wish they were, but the distance makes it hard to be anything more than what it is.
The worst part is that people find me entirely forgettable. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve overheard friends discussing a great party only to wonder why I wasn’t invited. They just didn’t think to call me, they say. Wow.
Maybe if I had a lower threshold for catty bullshit, I’d have more people around me. Unfortunately, that’s just not something I’m willing to compromise. But, I can’t help but wonder if I should compromise just to have stronger connections with people. Well, I guess I really can’t worry about it now, I’ve got too much to do…
Thanks for the comment! I have you in my blog reader, but I’ll follow you too! I don’t think you are forgettable!
Thanks Val! You are one of the people I wish I lived closer to. Especially since that wallet eating dog is gone. Just kidding! I know you loved him 😉
I’m pretty sure my eye would be twitching too if my husband was gone on a 4 day bachelor party. HAH I couldn’t take it. And work sounds stressful. i’m sorry.
Hubs bachelor party ended with two flat tires about 50 miles south of I-10 in southern Louisiana and a 3 hour wait for a tow truck. Eye twitch cured.
I know how you feel. It’s really hard to have and continue to have, to foster, close friendships. I can’t even watch Sex and the City because I’m so jealous and bitter that I never had a group of friends so committed to each other.
Four days for a bachelor party? Jeez. That seems like a lot. I’d be twitching, too.
Sex and the City is a definite cause for my jealousy as well. But I wonder if relationships exist like this in real life? They are pretty darn convincing on the screen, though.
It was four days of fishing, that bachelor party. Not a big deal to me, but with so much going on right now, the timing was horrible.
My eye has been twitching for the last 3 weeks. I think it is from stress and lack of sleep.
It’s hard when your friends are far away and your husband is gone for 4 days. I hope you get your confidence back and your eye stops twitching soon.
Thanks Jessica! I actually had a great weekend with Ava. It was nice to get her all to myself and not focus on homework or business stuff for once. Even though my business and homework suffered for it, it was a sacrifice well made.
Anyone who didn’t think to call you when they were having a party is A: a jacka** (and who wants to hang with those anyway) or B. doesn’t know you! You are the first person I think to call and lately, have feared I call so often you’d think I was too needy!
There, I said it. It’s the truth.
And no, please don’t ever compromise who you are just to have a deeper connection with anyone, I couldn’t respect you in the morning 🙂
I don’t think you are needy! I love hanging with you and I’m glad the girls get along so well now – it makes it so much more fun.